A student went to his meditation teacher and said, “My meditation is horrible! I feel so distracted, or my legs ache, or I’m constantly falling asleep. It’s just horrible!”
“It will pass,” the teacher said matter-of-factly.
A week later, the student came back to his teacher. “My meditation is wonderful! I feel so aware, so peaceful, so alive! It’s just wonderful!”
“It will pass,” the teacher replied matter-of-factly.
I have belonged to the remote workforce since 2009. As COVID-19 spread, I boasted “this is nothing new for me; living in quarantine will be as easy as sleeping under the effects of magic herbs”. My focus was wonderful two months ago. It passed 🙄
This is my second favorite zen story and pondering on it saved me from losing my senses as I stubbornly tried to change situations that were beyond my control. Remote work and extended isolation are a tough combination.
Fortunately, this helped me experiment with techniques to keep my mind under control amid quarantine. My span of attention sucked as does this new normal. Conversely, the latter is the most fruitful teacher I had this year and I plan to share the knowledge pills today.
First of all, the things we need to know about humans:
- We are stupid people.
- Our existence is utterly fragile.
- People are vulnerable to loneliness.
I already knew the first two, COVID-19 just confirmed them, but the latter was the greatest discovery for me. Notwithstanding being surrounded with people, you can feel lonely, distracted, extremely bored.
How long have you been confined for? Psychology and spiritual practices widely agree that overexposure to loneliness begets a feeling of disconnection from other humans, animals, and nature.
This feeling of disconnection leads to suffering, moreover, doubting our self-existence. Consequently, the mind tends to explore dark places, losing focus, motivation, becoming more sensitive. When we finish all the content available on Netflix, what do we do next?
Hacks for the New Normal
My approach to this particular situation is to isolate myself from the isolation. As I like to call it, putting on the blinders. Have you seen in horse races how they wear those lenses? The purpose is twofold; first, to avoid distractions from seeing other horses; last, to help them focus on the path forward.
Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it
Mark Twain
In a similar way, we can focus on a segment of reality that makes us the happiest, putting the lenses on. This segment of reality could include your children, your job, your significant other, or eating smores.
The following tricks worked for me. Hopefully they can make a difference for you. It’s important not to panic. Keep in mind this will pass.
1. Acceptance
How do we accept? A decent philosopher would answer through truth seeking, but I assume today we don’t have the time for finding the needle in the haystack. I’ll share with you one of my favorite tools for acceptance inspired by something called the stochastic process in statistics.
Leaving aside the technical details, the gist is to create alternate stories for the circumstances that may be bothering you. Specifically, focus on stories of things that could be worse than the actual outcome.
For example:
- Last month I had a horrible performance. My boss pointed it out, now I’m drowning in negative thoughts about it – I suck. What’s the alternate possible story of what could have happened but didn’t? I could have been fired – I’m lucky.
When you acknowledge and compare your current situation, maybe you can appreciate the outcome. It transforms from tragic to acceptable, because it could have been worse.
2. Gratitude
Why would someone practice gratitude? What is the meaning of that? It awakens an awareness of interdependence. No one feels lonely when they are grateful. It connects you back to you, other humans, and nature.
If you feel truly grateful for still having oxygen to breathe, you are part of something, you are not alone.
If you feel truly grateful for still feeling the warm hug of a breathing mother, you are connected, you are not alone.
Gratitude makes us feel connected to the world. It forces us to focus on the positive things rather than superfluous negative dung, to feed the brain with the cleanest gluten-free thoughts.
You don’t know how to start being grateful? Ask yourself every night before going to bed: what was the best thing that happened to me today? That’s a solid start, going to bed connected and dreaming of unicorns.
3. Meditation
I know meditation is not for everybody. I have good news for you: breathing calmly doesn’t require you to turn into a monk. Breathing is the easiest thing you can do in the world, I guess, also sitting. Why not give it a try?
Counting on a calmed mind on command is priceless. The busier we are the harder it gets to see things clearly, but if you love your sanity, having a calmed mind will help you focus better, giving you more space.
I started my meditation practice using the Headspace app. I highly recommend it for beginners. It’s not a root cause or immediate solution, but it helps keep the mind flowing calmly, giving you peace.
4. Reading Slowly
A friend recommended me to read this book. He didn’t know that he actually recommended reading a guide for surviving COVID-19 without losing your mind.
The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down helped me address some of the loneliness and grief issues I faced. I wasn’t even aware of these emotions until I frantically started losing my concentration and therefore started to focus more deeply on my meditation.
If you’re struggling with a hideous quarantine routine, I strongly suggest you read the chapter “When You’re Feeling Low.” Then take a shower, eat, love yourself, and move on.
This book is short, sweet, and you HAVE to read it slowly. I found many pearls of wisdom that are tremendously helpful to face this new normal life.
5. Get More Sunlight
This is easy and cheap. Instead of working out indoors, I switched to the park outside of the house. Two birds, one stone. Working out also helps with draining energy and body chemical flow.
I remember one day I was hesitating to go out, not in the mood to workout. It was a Wednesday, it was scheduled and even though I didn’t want to do it, I can’t allow myself to fail. So, I did my workout, without much enthusiasm at the beginning, but by the end of it something magical happened. I simply started feeling energized again.
It Will Pass
Finding a specific circumstance as the reason for this affliction is a problem of complexity. We tend to point out the superficial reason, but in reality we end up just scratching at the surface of a complex problem. Loneliness can be part of the cause, but there is more we ignore.
If you build a tower made of beach sand, at a certain height it will fall apart as you add more sand to it. At the moment of the tragic fall, you will blame the last portion of sand you put in, but what about the rest of the structure below? It is also part of the building, of the problem, of the fall. The last portion of sand is just the breaking point.
In a similar way, our emotional breaking point is defined by the amount of crap we can handle at a given time.
If we are suddenly hit by a strong event such as the loss of a job or a break up, we will be tempted to point that out as the reason for our breakdown. Keep in mind this event is just the last one, there is already an existing web of emotions fooling around with our senses.
My point is, don’t get hung up on finding what is the root cause of this discontent you have. It’s more important to find a way to accept that this situation will pass. In the meantime, observe yourself, accept you are vulnerable and love yourself.