Spoiler alert: Make Anyone Feel Fantastic.
Sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll would likely make some humans feel pleasure. However, I must remind you of something significant. These are external conditions that influence other people’s pleasure states. For your convenience, there are cheaper, healthier ways to make anyone feel good. But why would you want to do that?
Let me illustrate it for you with a story. I was in the architectural majesty of Bibliothèque National de France – François Mitterrand, my common place to work during my digital nomad endeavors while I lived in Paris. I took a pause, as usual, precisely at 5 PM before the coffee shop closed. I encountered an adorable older cashier lady who resembled my grandmother. I noticed she was a bit nervous as it was her first day of work. I couldn’t resist the temptation of giving her a compliment to make her seize the day with more confidence. When it was my turn to pay for my pain au chocolat and coffee, I noticed she had a vintage watch on her wrist that made her look like a fairy tale princess. As I approached, I told her in my ugly French accent, “I can’t believe how lovely that watch looks on you. I envy you”.
Instantaneously, her grin was so full I could see all of her well-cared for teeth. She replied, “this old watch? It was a gift from my grandmother”. This led to having a short conversation. She seemed to be more relaxed and thanked me for the lovely comment.
From that day on we established a friendly relationship. We chatted every time I went to the coffee shop. Sometimes she served me coffee even if the shop was closed, as I have the tendency to burn deadlines 😅
If this story does not seem self-explanatory, the reason why you would want to make someone feel good is multifold.
- It renders double happiness: for her and for you.
- It gradually transforms envy into something healthy: admiration.
- You boost the esteem of someone else.
- It can make a person like you.
- You can make a new friend.
Removing The Blindfold
I know it sounds like a total scam. Is it really that easy to make anyone feel good? We must keep in mind that one of the most important drivers in human nature is the urge to feel important. Humans crave attention. The fact that someone is listening to us, asking questions about us, and giving well-designed compliments fills this craving on a level that Prozac can not even compete with.
Though this is a sad thing to admit, there are people out there who possess truly brilliant traits that are not valued as much as they should be. It is a law of human nature that we tend to compare ourselves to others, underestimating our own achievements by the grandiosity others might portray. I don’t think that should be the case. It just takes us a few words to remind others how beautiful they are, how valuable their natural traits are.
One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
Yotam Ottolenghi
Another sad thing is that we all have this superpower built-in. It is effortless to use, but many circumstances forbid us from doing so. I invite you to become a superhero today, to use your superpower with someone you randomly meet out there.
Let me warn you that it can be addictive to feel happy every day, to help others have a better day, to connect with other human beings. The consequences could be catastrophically disorienting to your endorphins. Do not tell me later I didn’t warn you.
How To Use The MAFF Superpower
All the equipment you need to make someone feel important is simple. You don’t need to go to the grocery shop. All you need is:
- Your mouth.
- Another human being.
- A trait you like.
- The desire to help and to be happy.
Easy start. Now let me break this down for you, the way I typically use it.
1. Finding The Trait
Ideally, it should be a personality trait. Maybe we can witness her excellent humor? Does she have patience? What skills can you observe? These ones can be more emotional, creating a more meaningful impact. However, the point of reference can also be any object you see, such as clothing, shoes, necklaces. There has to be something you like about the person.
Can’t you find anything? Focus on what you are missing that this other person has. It will make it genuine. There has to be something!
2. The Real Purpose Of The Mouth
Let’s use the mouth for the second purpose evolution has created for it: to talk. Although this superpower can be expressed through other means, such as painting or writing, talking is one of the easiest ways to communicate, for those lucky enough to own a voice.
What do I say? That would be the right question to ask. It is crucial to sound genuine. Remember, you are approaching a stranger. There are so many unknown things about her personality, you don’t want to screw it up on your first try because you sound fake.
Notice in my story I didn’t say, “I like your watch.” It is valid for a starter; however, it is straightforward. It might be taken as if there was a hidden agenda behind your comment. It has to sound genuine, and for that, you must decorate the sentence with courtesy.
My approach is not the only one out there but it is the one that is most natural to me. You can point out the trait element you liked about the person in other ways such as:
- I wish I had at least one of your dimples, life gave me fat cheeks.
- Those are beautiful earrings, I’m not sure why I can’t pull those off as well as you do.
- This occupation requires lots of patience, it looks like you have been blessed with infinite stock!
3. Closure
Finally, the gesture would hopefully make the subject react positively, leading to a healthy conversation, possibly a new friend. If it doesn’t, just keep practicing until it comes out naturally.
Remember, the world is full of humans with unique characteristics. There can be some exceptions along the way with people who won’t feel comfortable with compliments, no matter how well designed they are.
Practice makes a master. Good luck!